So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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