Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
