those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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