I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
