a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
