Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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