i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
