Will you blow on my dice?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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