I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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