You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
