He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
it's like iHOP with fire
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
