How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
