I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
