Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
