I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
