in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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