Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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