Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
