your thong is hanging out like whoa
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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