I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
