Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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