Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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