Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
