Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
