can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
