i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
