I never want to see another naked old woman again.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
