Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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