like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
