He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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