you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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