first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
