I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
