Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
