My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
