I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
