Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
