You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
