Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
