the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
