apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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