There is no way he is gay with that hair.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
