Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
