4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
