I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
