She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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