There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
