i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
