She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
