do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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