We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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