I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You left your phone here
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