Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
