Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
