my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
