Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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