She announced her abortion via fbk
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Randomize
